she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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