Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
