just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
