I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize