Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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