'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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