its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
