Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
