then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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