is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
