Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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