She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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