he wants to bone in the snuggie
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
