So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
