then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
