he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
