opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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