R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
