I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
