the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
