Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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