i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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