do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
