I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
