he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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