she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
