my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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