i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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