No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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