your room smells of hookers.
And success
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
