just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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