We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
