Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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