i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
