Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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