My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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