I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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