I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
