After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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