If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
