I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
