i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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