So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
