Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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