You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
