I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
