I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
