I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Randomize
