Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i've created a new STD.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
