Tell her she can't have a vagina
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I have post one night stand depression
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