I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
