I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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