what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
