Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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