she looked like the bat from fern gully.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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