Michael Bay diarrhea
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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