It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
