...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
