We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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