Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
