I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you inspire me to be a worse person
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize