So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
