i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
where are my eyebrows?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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