I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
