Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
