oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
