I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
