...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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