i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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