OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
