did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
