Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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