thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
