who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
