Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize