So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
