Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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