You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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