please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We had to coat check the pizza.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize