Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
