Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
