I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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