Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
