look no pants
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
