I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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