This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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