We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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