You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
