Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
