is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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