I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
well you can't waste a boner
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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