Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
