like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
