The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
