Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
