Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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