a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
you never un-have a 4some
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
