Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
