when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
