I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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