I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
