If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
