I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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