Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
