I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
