My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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