chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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