Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
